Intimate question = Stupid question

You know, right out of nowhere someone near and dear to you will ask something stupid.

Now stupid comes in many forms, so let me clarify. I feel I have pretty exceptional manners. I would say I've been taught the ins and outs of etiquette and courtesy. Once you learn them, they're pretty difficult to stray from. Simple manners such as please and thank you are obvious, but more complex manners are much less known.

These complex manners include things like never asking a plus size woman if she's pregnant, remembering to bring your wallet on a date (especially if you're a guy), and keeping borrowed pens out of your mouth (I struggle with that one). These manners are not universal, generalized courtesys like covering your mouth following a cough, but if you're using your head properly, you shouldn't run into these situations at all.

Let me elaborate. Recently a good friend and I chatted it up over drinks. (Hot chocolate I assure you) Among discussing the good ol' days of high school and who is married or poppin' out babies, we discussed our dating life and work scene.

I was thrilled to hear that he had worked his way into management, and that his long, exhausting hours were paying off (no pun intended) in hefty paychecks. In turn, I shared with him my excitement that I had come across a nice job as well- an office job with great hours, good people, and improved pay. He responded to my joy, "How much are you getting paid?"

I was flabbergasted. This, my friend, is not okay. I remember something my grandma told me years ago, that a dear friend had inquired how much money her children were currently making in their chosen professions. Just like me, grandma was appalled at the question. I can still hear her dismay. "Even as their own mother, I don't ask my three children how much they make. I would NEVER ask that. That is none of my business, or anyone elses!"

Call me old fashioned, but I stand firm that a question such as how much someone is earning, is a personal and very private question. In high school it was understandable to widely share how much dough you're rollin' in. "Dude! The carwash is giving me six an hour! And dude I don't do a thing all day!" High school jobs fall at the low end of the totem, and usually fall between five and eight dollars an hour. Hardly anything to gossip about.

However, when the caps have been thrown, and you're out of mom and dad's clutches and into the big world, levels of responsibility and privacy suddenly increase. I figured it was unspoken courtesy to keep finances hush hush. I don't even like my now-fiance to compare paychecks with his best friend. I would prefer finances to be discussed exclusively with a spouse. But apparently not everyone thinks that way.

So when this good friend asks me how much I'm making, I am clearly taken aback. But I keep my head on, and tell him, "Well I don't think that should be discussed." Yes I was blunt, yes I probably came off as rude, but what is personal to me is not going to be spilled in a quick catch-up session, or even a long catch-up session. To me, that question is like asking how often a couple has sex. It's just not discussed!

The second dumb question came from a friend of a friend. We had gone out for Baskin Robbins' .31 cent cone night, and we retreated to her apartment afterwards. After letting us in, she followed me into the kitchen. She had not said more than two words to me all night, and suddenly she had a personal question that had to have answered. "Shannon what size jeans do you wear?" I happened to be wearing some of my favorite Mek skinny jeans, that hug in all the right places, and make me feel good about myself. But now, I wasn't feeling so good.

I had heard things about this girl, that she's judgemental and gossipy, etc., so when she asked this question about the size of my body, I wasn't keen on divulging details. So I went with, "You know, I haven't been jean shopping for some time, so I'm not even sure!" It was a narrow escape, but it was honest. I hate to admit, I have actually called my now-fiance to ask him MY jean size. (Hey he has a better memory than me! AND he has probably purchased more jeans for me that I've bought myself) So it was both honest and vague. She doesn't need to know, and she shouldn't be asking. To me, that question is like asking a full-chested girl if her breasts are real. You just don't do it!

The third dumb question came from one of my best friends, soon after I became engaged over Labor Day weekend. I was eager to show her the new diamond ring I was sporting, as we had perused rings together just weeks before. I expected questions like "What temple are you getting married in?" "Where will you be honeymooning?" "What kind of dress are you going to get?" etc. Instead, she asked me, "How much was your ring?"

By this time, I'm getting used to stupid questions. I wouldn't say I'm good at vague answers, in fact if I could freeze time I could certainly come up with something clever. But I do feel like I'm doing better at holding my ground when someone presses for unnecessary details. She had asked me this same question once before, and I had prepared a little answer like, "I think those sort of details should be left up to me and my fiance, don't you?" But in the moment I was surprised, so my answer wasn't so great. "I don't know, Jason hasn't told me."

Once again I was completely honest. In order to keep the romance alive, Jason has not divulged how much money he spent on my ring, and frankly I prefer it that way. Asking how much an engagement ring costs is like asking how much you're worth. 'Wow you're only a two-cow wife? Geeze... My husband says I'm eight.' Do you see what I'm saying?

This question especially, is not appropriate or courteous. What good would come from knowing? I can only see bitterness or comparisons growing. I always wonder what thoughts are reeling around these peoples' minds as they inquire about such personal things. I assume they are comparing your life to their own. Apparently my friends are curious as to if my paycheck, my a** and my diamond is as big (or small) as theirs. I wonder why human beings are so eager to compare themselves to others. Could it be that we are all trying to validate our position in the world? Maybe through stupid questions we are determining whether we are above or below average.

Whatever it is, sometime or another someone near and dear to you will ask something stupid. It is up to you in these cases, to make an executive decision as to whether this person really needs to know this intimate detail of your life. Are you okay sharing it? Does it really need to be shared? These complex manners are not universal, so before you know it, a stupid question is born.