The Company of a Cupcake.

With so many thoughts swirling through my head today, I've spent nearly an hour pondering potential topics to blog about. You see, writing has always been my drug of choice, and my addiction brings on feelings of withdrawl if I do not regularly extract and record certain thoughts to alleviate my spinning mind.

Today the feelings of gloom and loneliness are no match for my bout of boredom. I worked this morning- an effortless 3 hour shift which left me with an entire day to enjoy the beautiful summer weather. The vacant day- a stark contrast from my heavily scheduled work week, I felt, should have been spent with friends to celebrate my amazing job, the beginning of the summer, or just plain because it's the weekend.

Instead, I drove home from work, enjoyed lunch with the family, took a four hour nap, and resorted to the bond between my laptop and I for company. Around 7:00, two of my good friends made a surprise visit to bring me a decadent cupcake from my latest favorite cupcake parlor. It was a ray of sunshine in my otherwise bleak day, and I was incredibly grateful for their, no pun intended, sweet gesture.

My plans this weekend were to catch up with old friends over a TGI Friday's dinner, and to see The Killers (a movie I've been greatly anticipating). Instead, my friends were busy, sick, out of town, or broke. See the movie by myself? I'd rather not see it at all. You see, as independent a woman as I am, I'm wholly dependent on the company of others to ensure my happiness.

I'm not that woman who goes out to eat, shops, or travels by herself. (As the woman in my latest read, "Eat Pray Love" does) I ALWAYS prefer someone to share my experiences with, over being alone.

I can't imagine touring Italy by myself; my pleasure in a foreign country would rely completely on having someone to share the beauty with. Shopping is a given, I always need someone else's opinion to verify my own before making purchases. The much-needed company makes a sometimes tedious task incredibly pleasant. And eating definitely calls for companionship. Who would listen to my opinionated rantings of flavor, ambiance and service?

It's 8:00 pm on a Saturday, and I feel dismal at home on my laptop. I know there is nothing wrong with a day to myself spend doing nothing but what I want to do, but this is in fact, not what I want to do. Make any sense?

I'd rather be dressed up with somewhere to go, then facing a dormant night alone. I have plenty of those nights ahead of me when I'm old and married and raising a family; those nights you spend at home in sweats and an overweight bowl of popcorn, watching Saturday Night Live. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with that, but tonight I'd rather avoid a night of solidarity. I'm in desperate need of an eventful night to let my hair down.

Going from college life to living with your parents again is an adjustment in the least. Going from nonexistent weekends with my late-night shifts at Roadhouse, to fully exposed weekends with only a quick morning shift is great, if you actually have a life to attend to. Tonight, I'm almost wishing I were at work... almost.

Realistically, I'm wishing my confidant were here to ease my troubled mind with an accompanied night on the town. Even a Redbox would be acceptable with his companionship. But those thoughts must be pushed from my mind before another wave of loneliness decides to break the surf.

These over the top thoughts are somewhat dramatic, which would probably fit better in a journal. But to me, my blog is my journal. I allow this journal to be readable by others because my thoughts and feelings are human, just as my readers are. These truthful and realistic moments I choose to record, whether of happy or unhappy nature, are to be unashamed of.

This Saturday night a single cupcake, a good book, and a habit of writing will fill my evening.

With a bite of chocolate, the flip of a page, and a quick rambling, I'll submit to a night of solitude.